wow... so today has definetly been one of those roller coaster days. it's been quite crazy. a LOT has changed...

so yesterday, i was talking to my ex, the one who had dumped me last week, and he had continued to talk about how much he missed me and everything like that. so i decided, maybe, for a little while, it would be better if i was single. as i've said, today was a roller coaster. at first, i wasn't going to dump my boyfriend, then i decided that i WAS going to, then i wasn't. fineally, a friend of mine, went up to him, without me knowing, and did it for me...

so now, i'm single. which, actually, i'm very greatful for. but i'm pretty sure he's hurting a little. and as for my former ex, he's been a major flirt. he even added in little "i love you's" at the end of all our conversations... and god know's that i love him too. now it's just the fact that these two best friends, both of them liking me, aren't over me... and i don't want to ruin their friendship... that would be horrible.

so as the week progresses... i'll try to get things back to where they should be. i don't think it'll be that hard... i mean, maybe i should just stay single for a while, or maybe not... i'm not sure at this point. but i'm sure that i'll figure it out, sooner or later, hopefully sooner...

all i'm saying is... i hope things get easier. :[

wow. incase you're actually someone who read's my blog (which is doubtful) you may have noticed that i haven't been on in... FOREVER! so i have a LOT to talk about. so the reason i haven't been on is because my mom took my computer away. i just managed to get it back a few days ago and i was so happy! SO SO SO SO SO much has happened since then though, that i think this may just take my whole night to type.

so first of all. that amazing boy i was talking about? the one (in my last entry)who's house i went over to? yeah, him. i ended up dating him, for about a month, i think. maybe a little bit more then that. but anywayz... so this past monday, he said he had to talk to me. he said "look... i dont think this is working. i'm not good enough for you, and we both know that. i love you like crazy, but i think it would be better if we broke up..." now let me tell you, that hurt like hell. i swear, i love this boy, so very much. and he didn't think he was good enough for me.

so anywayz, moving on. this past wednesday (2 days after i was dumped :[) the guys best friend on the whole entire planet asked me out. he was so sweet and sincere about it, i just HAD to say yes. but my ex was NOT happy about this. in fact he was majorly ticked off, and i coulden't really blame him. but he didn't really make his feelings known.

and here, in case you were wondering, is where things get REALLY bad: so this guy that just dumped me, he decided that he'd made a huge mistake. the only things he could say to me were "wow i miss you so much..." or "man, i really want you back. i truly want to be jealous of him, you know, but i don't think i'm allowed to be..." and "no matter what, i'll always love you... just please remember that." and his friend (my boyfriend) dosen't know about this.

in all honesty, i can't imagine myself with anyone BUT my ex. he means the world to me, and i really don't want to lose him. so here's where i stand: i'm dating his best friend (who's REALLY into me by the way), but i'm in love with him. so who do i choose? the one that i love, or the one that loves me?

anywayz... yeah... i guess i have some thinking to do. and my best friends aren't helping. it's really kinda making me mad... but oh well, i guess. things have a way of working themselves out.

so this has been one of the best days i've had in a long time. it took some work... but i woulden't trade it for anything, and i woulden't change it in the least bit.

you remember that guy i've talked about so much on here? yea, the one i'm totally crazy for. that one. well today, i went over to his house. i went over at 12, and ended up getting home at 4. that means... 4 hours of total paradise. i was LOVING it! and his parents are totally kool. they're so nice, and they seem to like me? i don't know, but that's not important to me right now. anywayz, so we were in his room the whole time... ughh god i can't concentrate. all i can think about is how totally cute he is! man... anywayz, yea for about the first hour, we were on his laptop, doing some wierd stuff. being bored. thennnn, the flirting started. he know's EXACTLY where my ticklish spot is, and he was all over that. so i started tickling his feet. then he started tickling my neck, and playing with my hair.

man i don't even know what to say about him... he's all i can think about right now... i could go on forever. OH MY GOD I DIDNT MENTION! after i left, he started talking to my bestestest friend ever. he had said that he was super mad at himself for not kissing me... gosh... i don't know what to say about this guy, i'm insanely into him. anywayz, i'll stop boring you with this.

by the way, my step dad, who had the heart attack, he's back home now, and he's ook. thank god!!!

my evening has gotten increasingly better. i didn't think it was possible, but a mixture of anxious and relieving feelings have clouded my mind, leaving me awestruck. yea, i write like such an old journalist lady (no punn intended). :]

anywhoo... so soon after i found out about my step dad, i was informed that it wasn't majorly serious, and that he would be ok. he would be in the hospital for about a week, but in the long run, those day's will be helping him. this, though, sadly, dosen't excite me as much as my other news, mostly because i knew he would be ok. "all you have to do is hope, right?". moving on.

so this guy i keep mentioning. the majorly connfusing one, that at first said he liked me, then said he didn't? yea, that one. today was a really crazy day with him! all day at school he was being SUCH a major flirt! i have every class with him, and i sit by him in every one of them, (and he sits next to me at lunch) so i see him all day long. well today, everytime i was with him (which was all day, as i just said) he was either tickling me, poking me, playing with my hair, or complimenting me in some way. so today, when i got home and got on AIM, he IMed me. we were talking for a while, when someone the subject of me and him, in a relationship came up. he said "i is crazy-crazy for you, but im to much of a pansy to ask you out." hearing this, combined with the memory of all the events from today made my heart do a big jump thingy. so all i've been able to think about then is how insanely cute that boy is, and how much i like him already... now i just really hope it dosen't backfire... i don't want to get my heart broken again...

so yea, interesting day... i don't recall weather mentioned it or not, but yesterday, my step dad went into the hospital. at that point, we weren't sure what was wrong with him, or why he was havign so much trouble. we thought maybe it was his "crones disease" (which yes, by the way, DOES actually exist. incase you thought i was joking).

so today... i was at school, in social studies, and the phone rang. the person at the main office had me come down and get my note, because apparently, without my knowledge of it, i was going to someone's house? it turned out to be my grandmothers house, but i didn't end up going there. anywayz... i had called her, and asked her why, and she said that my step dad was still in the hospital, and she had something to tell me once i got home.

so fineally, yes, i got home. i called her, because she had asked me to, and she explained what had happened to me. she said "ok... so uhm... listen. your step dad isn't in the hospital because he was "sick". there's something wrong with his heart, and he hed a heart attack... now there's no need to worry, it's nothing serious." and what the hell, might i ask, isn't serious about a heart attack?! yea, i don't know... well that's been on my mind a lot this afternoon. i'm pretty worried about him... and all this thinking is confusing me a LOTT.

huh... well.. i suppose that's enough complaining. :[